Expectations, Competition.

Expectations.

Our world is based on expectations, both ones we make of ourselves and ones that others make of us. People like to compare themselves to others. If the person is more outgoing and arrogant, they will probably say that they are better than others and set expectations for others. If the person is withdrawn, he or she will probably see others as better than them and feel insufficient.

Some people don't think it is supposed to be that way. We shouldn't have to live according to what someone else thinks about us, or even what we think about ourselves, as compared to others. According to some.

But it defines us. Imagine what it would be like if we DIDN'T have anything to compare with. If we were all alone in a secluded little island. What would we do? How could we strive to be better? We could never become better because we would think we would be good enough.

That brings me to the second point:

Competition.

What is it really?

Is it just the rivalry between two human beings? Or is it more?
Why do people feel the urge to become better than others?
Why do we have to be that good?
Why do I have to be like that?

I think it was 'programed' into us, and for a reason.
As I said earlier, how could humans strive to be better if we didn't want to compete.

The Cold War, for example, is thought of as a terrible time. And it was. But in some ways, it was good, because it helped advance space and nuclear technology to the state it is now.

People are no different. Competition is the natural drive to improve. Without competition and expectations, we would have no reason to become better.

However, some people take it too far.
Competition is helpful, but only until it causes harm (obviously?). When we become too aware of our surroundings and fear what other people might think, we fall prey to fear and feel unprotected, vulnerable. And so, we try to conform.

Conformity is strange. It happens so often, and yet we think of it as a good thing. First of all, stereotypical groups are often considered 'cool' or whatever, so people try to fit in. But things become not 'cool' when they are overused/overpopulated.

Secondly, there is a difference between conformity and organization.
Conformity is everything in one form.
Organization is everything in order.

Conformity will turn many inputs into one output. It has one function.
Organization will turn many inputs into many outputs. It increases efficiency and diversity.

So we have to be unique, yet organized. If everybody were unique and unorganized, we would be... a really crazy mob. And before you know it, human instinct kicks in, and alliances are formed for survival and guess what the product is:

Conformity.



So, in summary, people need to understand how expectations, competition, and conformity affects their lives. They have to use it to their advantage, turn themselves into someone different yet intractable, instinctive yet intelligent.

People need to stop acting like everyone else and start acting like...
O.K., scratch that.


People need to stop acting.




Remember to check my blog for new updates often!

Thanks for reading.

Violence and Me.

Just last night I was warned by a counselor in church not to sneak up behind people and "attack" them, or hit or slit throat or surprise or hurt anyone in any way.
And its not the first time I've been warned in such a way.
I have 3 misconduct notices (almost a suspension) from violence in one year at school.
-I bruised some kid
-I broke the sharpener
-I kicked a bouncy ball into some kid's head

Why is it that I am so violent?
I know I have some self control issues.

But why?
I don't have ADD or Dyslexia or Schicophfsdhflajflehwhateverphrenia or any mental diseases (that I have been diagnosed of [yet], but I have suspicions that I might suffer from some kind of bipolar disorder).

But again, why violence?
For some reason, whenever I look at someone, some of the first things I notice aren't appearance or whatever, but points of weakness/strength, how they and others (objects or people) around them might react if whatever things occurred. Things as in VIOLENT things.

My brain just starts playing out scenarios with the physics involved in what might happen, seeing how people might react due to emotion and stuff.
And then I have an impulse to attack them somehow.

My favorite is when I'm behind someone. I imagine sneaking up to them and...

I catch myself in the thought and stop myself with the violence nowadays.
But I always manage to slip back into that world again.

I have a theory why.

Maybe it is because I like to be in control of things, to know things, to be on top of everything.
If I can make myself feel that I can defeat everyone, that I know everything, then it feels good.

Of course, I'm not that arrogant (I think) and that only occurs in my subconscious mind. But If it does, how would I know about it?


Well, I guess I have to stop thinking so much about violence and accept the fact that I am no better than anyone else, in mind or in body. It is hard, sure, but I guess I'll get used to it.

But I can't help but think that that kind of violent mind might be good in some way or another.
Maybe when some fool attacks me on the street it'll come to use.
Nevertheless, the final point is, that violence isn't that great for the mind.

One day, I fear I might lose myself in anger and if my brain starts doing what it is used to without a sane self to stop it, I might actually do something bad. Like as in BAD, bad. Then again, maybe that has already happened to me (scroll up to the stuff about my misbehavior conducts...)

It worries me a lot.
Now that I think about it, I've even hit Ryan and Alvis (if you go to my school you would know that they are some of my best friends [Ironically, that comment is for those who DON'T go to my school...]) alot.

Oh my. It is dinnertime.


Remember to check my blog often for updates.



UPDATE:
Extra Example Here

Friendship.

This is a paper I wrote in 1st grade (I used to spell friends as freinds, though I corrected them in this typed version:

"Friends Forever
Friends make you feel good. Friends care about you. If you are hurt, they will give you a bandaid. Friends are kind to you. They say nice things to you. Friends like the same things that you do. They might like stuffed animals or the same television show that you do. They may give you a gift or share their snack with you."


There is one more line. It is my favorite.

"If you don't have a friend find one"

I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote this back in 2003.
I was probably just going oh blah blah I better finish this soon.

But it means so much more to me now.
Friends.

I have a lot of friends. But I don't know if they really care.
Will they make me feel good? Will they give me a band-aid if I am hurt? Will they say nice things to me? Do they like the same things I do? Will they give me a gift or share a snack with me?

I don't know, I say.
But deep down, I know.

Real friends are hard to come across. I don't think I have any.
I know there is no one I can completely confide in.

There is no one who will look at me and care, who will hurt when I hurt, who will cry when I cry.
But the question is:

Do I deserve a friend like that?

Am I a good friend to the people around me?
How can I possibly have that kind of friend when I am not one?

I need to change.
I need to listen more, to hear more, to think more.
I want to be able to be that person. It kinda fits in with the "Superpower" post.

I want, I need, I wish.

But what can I ever achieve?
We all have heard of the story of the little blue train.

"I think I can" is not good enough.

I have to take action.
But what can I do?

I don't know.
And this time, deep down, I still don't know.

Who will help me?
Who will hold me when I fall?
Who will fall with me when they can't hold me?
Who will stand beside me in the storm?

Who?




Who is my friend?

Shields.

Perhaps you would like a coat of arms.
I make a few with photoshop.

Here are some samples:



You can't see the edge because the background is black though...

If you would like one, please comment.
Request in this format:

___________________________
English Name:
Foreign Language Name: (specify language and if you want, also specify text)
Symbol Wanted: (a simple picture or description of what you want)
Backlay Wanted: (like the 1 in the second shield. Optional)
Description Wanted: (like the "to help, defend" in the first one)
Type of Shield Wanted: (Just tell me the shape or give me an example)
___________________________

Here is what I would have written for the second shield:

___________________________
English Name: Primus
Foreign Language Name: Greek spelling of Primus, or πρωτη
Symbol Wanted: Medal surrounded by olive branches
Backlay Wanted: the number 1
Description Wanted: the first
Type of Shield Wanted: Blah
___________________________

Thanks!

Superpower.

What do you want for a superpower?

Flying?
Invisibility?
Teleporting?

Well, absolutely, those may be cool.
But I don't want them.

I think that it would be a waste to have those as superpowers.

Why?

They can be made with science.

You could make a flying machine.
You can bend light to make an invisibility cloak.
In fact, scientists have found ways to make such things, though they are still testing.
You can make a machine to teleport.
Scientists have been able to make an electron jump from place to place.


But there are some super powers you cannot make.

I want to have a powerful mind.

I want to understand and know how people feel.
I want to be able to bend circumstances with the brain.
I want to influence masses

I want to be the person who will invent a flying machine, a teleporter, an invisibility cloak.


But I don't want to know anything.


Things like a scientific mind, being a genius is only a side effect or solo effect of what I want to be.

I don't want to know.
Knowing in itself is useless.

Knowledge right now is very limited. The best scientists, the biggest textbooks, they only describe a tiny portion of what there is to learn.


I want to be the person who can expand that knowledge.
I want to be able to give things for those who follow to learn.

I want to write those textbooks, except with new material.

That is what I want to be.
That is the superpower that can never be made, never be bought, never be conceived.




Maybe one day, I will find that power in myself.

Unfair.

Unfair.

I am not making light of this word, but it certainly isn't used FAIRLY.
Ironic, isn't it?

Adults talk about unfair taxes, unfair mortgages, unfair government, and whatever.



But what about us children?

The adults worry about their future.
"What if we can't make our mortgage payment in time?"
"What about the foreclosure threats?"

You already have a life half lived out, a life with a fair start.
But what about us?

You start us with a ruined economy, oil prices sky high, minimum wage jobs- if we could possibly get a job at all.
Adults have ruined it all for us.

Adults today need to take responsibility for the obstacles they have made for the youth who will be adults tomorrow.

Absolutely, it would be difficult to do so, without a doubt.

But it is necessary.


You adults may be thinking to me that I am ungrateful for what adults already do for us.

That's not true. I thank you for all you've done, but a wonderful present doesn't help when it leads to a terrible future.
It reminds me of a saying:

"Give a man a fish, and you have fed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, you have fed him for a lifetime."

Instead of helping us as it us now, you should be doing all you can to improve the environment of the future give us the skills to become successful adults.

So, the next time you adults do anything, you should be thinking about how it helps us, because we children are the generation that will carry the world on.



It is your responsibility to help these children do this.